


Desperate Measures

by masswisteria



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Eating Disorders, F/F, not really but it might make you uncomfortable, unsanitary kitchen practices
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-07
Updated: 2015-10-07
Packaged: 2018-04-25 07:19:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4951507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/masswisteria/pseuds/masswisteria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One day Rose will learn to take better care of herself, but today is not that day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Desperate Measures

**Author's Note:**

> This ridiculous thing came into being thanks to buckyballbearing [asking the tough questions](http://buckyballbearing.tumblr.com/post/130665675888/the-real-otp-question-is-who-eats-peanut-butter) on tumblr.

She stumbled out of her study, still half asleep. She was perfectly content being full asleep a moment ago, until her body had the audacity to complain about a lack of nourishment. As if it had gone without for very long! Just this evening she had…rather, this afternoon there was…no, wait, that was the day before. Well, she’d had half a bagel at breakfast, surely that’s enough calories for sitting in a chair all day. Wait was that this morning? It was probably this morning. Maybe.

Rose opened the fridge and poked around for anything quick and easy. The pangs in her stomach and tremble of her hand as she reached for the door handle strongly suggested that “quick and easy” was advisable. Alas, it seemed that Kanaya had finished the last of the curry leftovers from last weekend. (Were Rose more awake, she might recall Kanaya asking if she would like to split said leftovers, or if she had other plans for dinner. Then again, she might not; she was in the middle of a rather intense scene in which Zazzerpan ruminated on the duality of good and evil, whilst stroking his beard furiously; meanwhile, in Dundenshireton, the Greater Metromancy gathered to…)

Rose did not remember her bed being this stiff, or this cold. She cracked open her eyes, and was rewarded with a great discovery: they really needed to clean their kitchen floor. Was that a raisin? She hoped it was a raisin. The thought of food - however grossly contaminated - reminded her of why she was in the kitchen in the first place, instead of comfortably slumped over her desk using her keyboard as a pillow. Or curled up in a warm bed, with a hot matesprit. A brief giggle escaped Rose’s lips.

OK, maybe this little food situation is serious after all, if she actually found that to be witty.

She went over her options. The refrigerator was useless; everything in there either required actual effort become edible food, or stopped being edible two weeks ago and really needed to be thrown out. That left the pantry. Which happened to be right in front of her. She propped herself up enough to pull the door open, pausing briefly to wait for the room to stop spinning. Inside were several boxes of cereal, a jar of peanut butter, an emergency bag of Doritos and bottle of apple juice for when Dave stops by, a box of those gluten free table crackers that Kanaya had picked up by accident one time and somehow taken a liking to…plenty of choices. Of course, they were all on the middle shelves, rather inconveniently placed from the perspective of one who is sprawled on the floor. She would have to discuss reorganizing the pantry with Kanaya.

Rose considered standing up, but by now she was somewhat concerned about her ability to do so, and preferred not to confirm her suspicions. Besides, she had already worked out a perfect solution. She squirmed her way closer to the pantry, so she could reach past the paper towels and water jugs to the broom. She just managed to grasp a fistful of bristles, and tugged the broom towards her. Unfortunately, bristles bend and thus turned out to be a remarkably bad way to pick up a broom, as the broom promptly tipped forward and clattered to the floor, narrowly missing her head.

But, it was in reach now, so, mission accomplished.

She grabbed the broom again - by the handle this time - and took aim at her target: one plastic jar of peanut butter, sitting on the edge of the third shelf. Rose swung the broom toward the jar, hoping to knock it down with the broom head. Remarkably, she succeeded on her first try. Perhaps she was better at sportsing than she gave herself credit for.

The jar bounced once on the linoleum before landing and rolling across the floor toward her. Rose was relieved to see that it was Skippy brand. She had to have a Serious Conversation with Kanaya the first time she came home with Peter Pan. Dave and Jane kindly helped with the intervention. When asked, Jade had absolutely no idea what Rose was talking about and confessed to never having had peanut butter on the island, and John - bless his heart - was not precisely the best candidate to include when discussing critical matters of taste.

Rose unscrewed the lid and hesitated only a moment before despoiling the pristine, slightly glossy surface and scooping a handful of delicious peanut buttery goodness into her mouth.

 

She woke to the morning sun shining through the living room curtains. She had made it as far as the couch before deciding that was good enough. Sitting up she realized that the peanut butter was nowhere to be found, and her hand was no longer covered in peanut butter residue. A mug of coffee and warm toast sat in front of her on the coffee table, along with a note, neatly printed in gracefully curvy letters: “Next time, use a spoon.”


End file.
